Dear Magic 8 Ball: How will I age?

genetic freaks

my parents are not only strange, but they also look years younger than they are…total genetic freaks.

If that ass Magic 8 Ball gives me a me a noncommittal answer, I’ll be pissed–then again I think it needs to be a yes/no question. Let me try again…

Q: “Dear Magic 8 Ball Will I age poorly?”  A: “Better not tell you now” Curses! To hell with you magic 8 ball.

I’ve made a few comments about my views on aging and perhaps I’m just losing my vision, but the older I get the more I like how I look. But it’s probably because I shed most of my insecurity-infused skin in my early-mid 20s.

I still have the same daily gripes, but they bore me now and life is too damn short to focus on trivial problems you can’t change. Like Gloria Gaynor once sang: “I Am What I Am.” Preach it my self-acceptance fairy godmother!

But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to treat my body and skin like a precious princess. Health begets happiness and I think it’s important to treat your body with the utmost respect (seriously, yoga is Richard Simmonsing my whole attitude and I love it; so positive it would make the disgruntled-Morrissey loving-22 year old version of myself heave).

Anyhoo, came across a fun article from Of course, other factors aren’t accounted for here–lifestyle, diet, health history, happiness, etc.–but I think most of them are pretty legit:

  • Your folks have aged well: Score! The benefit of having parents who are hotter than you.
  • A baby face: My big face is going to pay off? What? I can’t wait to get older!
  • High cheekbones: Damn you Bo Derek!
  • Strong teeth and bones: Time to up the calcium intake. A great excuse to eat more cheese!
  • Thick hair: Finally, one consolation for this shock of hair.
  • Facial symmetry: I think this requires some math, so I’m out. Next.
  • Olive-to-darker skin tone: Totally agree with this one, but sadly does not apply to Scots-lady

Check out the rest of the article, which has great little info-gems about aging without the crappy anti-aging cream-serum-potion-elixir promotions.

P.S. I still heart Morrissey 4eva, who has even admitted he’s actually positive/happy these days. Maybe he’s taken up some yoga.